I Finally Found You

I Finally Found You

               
            “What is a beautiful, compassionate, intelligent woman like you being so unhappy?” These are the words that still resonate with me every time I want to give up on life. He sat across the table from me at Mimi's Cafe and reached over and gently wiped away my tears as I let a few dropped from my eyes. I couldn't believe that this man pierced through my heart with his truth! How did he know? I didn't even know what happiness meant. Why am I so unhappy? I live with my boyfriend in our dream house, I have a high-paying job, and I have everything I ever wanted. So why do I feel so alone, defeated, and unloved? Was I with the wrong guy, living in a wrong home, doing the wrong thing? I was puzzled about my life. It felt fake, inauthentic. Is the man sitting across from me my soul mate? He can't be. He's too old for me, he was married, and he has children close to my age. Anyway, he's my network partner. I don't date within my network. Besides, I'm happy with my boyfriend. Am I?
            That was when it all happened--my extraordinary life.  Jeff made me realize there is more to life than a high-paying job, a house, and a man. My life can have meaning. I can be bigger than I know myself to be. I can be happy, experience it, and know it in my heart. Is there another life I am meant to have and I don't know it?

            I started off on my soul-searching journey. A journey that I have been on, and have not looked back. I learned more about myself. I learned to appreciate my body. I started to love the woman that God created. I started my new class for teaching. It was not until I broke up with my boyfriend Jason that I saw Jeff again. Several months have passed and I finally realized how much his words have affected me. It was then that our miraculous relationship began.
            It was love at first sight. We had so much chemistry that we were afraid to be too close because we were afraid something dramatic would happen. We kept our distance until our third date. I sat at the edge of his green sofa in his warm cozy living room. He sat at the opposite end. Finally, he reached over and caressed my left forearm. It brought shivers up my spines. It felt as though electricity shot through my body. He subtly withdrew as if he knew it was too much. We were hungry and decided to grab dinner at Tony Roma's. His son came along with us. They looked like brothers. I can't believe Jeff is his father. We stood in lobby of the restaurant waiting for our food. Jeff gently took me by the hand and had me stood close to him. He wrapped his arms around from the back. Time stood still for me. For the first time in my life, I felt safe, protected, and love. There was so much care and gentleness in his touch. It almost felt like every touch was painstakingly maneuvered by him.

            We went back to his place and had dinner. We watched television with his son. I laid my head gently on his lap as if I have been there before. It felt right. It felt like home. In that moment, I knew he was it. From the moment I met him, I had butterflies in my stomach every time he looked at me. His handsome face, bluish gray eyes, dirty colored blonde hiding the gray hair, and the laughter that he gives. I often wonder, "This can't be real. He's too perfect to be in my life. How can a man like him, who's charming, handsome, powerful, spiritual, intelligent, and kind, be with me? I don't deserve him. I'm not worthy. I'm nothing but a broken dirty trash. If he could see through me, he wouldn't want to stay." But, you know, he stayed. I must have done something extraordinary in a previous life to have a man like him. Oh, God, pinch me, and wake me up because this can't be true.
            Shortly after that, I spent the night and I never left, well, two years later that is.