Introduction: Where do I go from?

As I sit here at age 35 looking out of my window from my scrapbooking office, I wonder what I am going to share with you all, my dear friends. I can hear the subtle whispering of the green trees, and the beauty of the day instilling my afternoon.   I realize that I could share with you how all this started.  This journey that I called "life."  Can I leave footprints behind?  How would you remember me if I were to pass on today?  So, let me attempt to share with you my journey...
It was 2000.  I sit alone in my apartment in Costa Mesa wondering what it means to be happy.  Can a girl like me know what happiness is?  What is my purpose?  Does my life have a meaning?  Am I stuck forever with this meaningless life? 
I sit and continue to feel sorry for my ridiculous thing I called life.  I graduated from UCLA with pre-law degree.  I didn't even go to law school.  Am I a disappointment to my family?  Maybe I am not that strong and intelligent girl like everyone thinks I am.  So many disappointments and regrets.  Where go I go from here?
And then, something came to me!  What if I just accept myself?  Oh, that would be a revolution!  Can I actually love the person that I am?  Well, maybe I can try that out.  I begin to take care of myself.  I would take bubble baths, rent my favorite movies, and watch them all by myself.  I would not wait for someone to ask me out.  I would just go out.  Oh, the confidence of being independent and self-sufficient.  Wow!  I am okay being alone.  I can actually enjoy my own company. 

All ALONE

All alone as I lie awake in the dark,

I reminisce what I have gained and lost,

So many achievements and failures,

Yet, I feel emptied and unfulfilled,

Incredible emotion of loneliness takes control of my mind,

And there I lie on my small bed showered with sorrow tears and self-pity,

Unanswered questions are asked in silence,

Why? Why? Why?

Desperately pondering how is it like to be loved and cared for,

Family, friends, and lovers are at a distance,

Big dreams seem so insurmountable and radiant stars seem so untouchable,

I close my eyes and wish that all this sadness would surpass,

If only, I can share my melancholy with someone who will understand,

But yet, I am all alone,

And the journey continues to be so long and cold,

Sharp pain penetrates through my heart and numbness spreads over my soul,

And so my heart becomes weak and my soul lifeless,

After a long cry, I comfort myself

It is a trial of my strength and an obstacle of my growth,

A process to learn to love myself first,

To be a true friend to myself

So then, I wipe away my tears and lie asleep in the dark,

All alone.