Stand By Me

Stand By Me

            Jeff and I were married on May 30, 2006 in Las Vegas.  We did not know what the future would hold since he was convicted of a federal felony.  He was falsely convicted of signing fraudulent paperwork during the process of condo conversion.  If you have ever seen escrow papers, I don’t know if you could tell which one is fake and which one is real.  In my perspective, the prosecutors won because Jeff could not prove he did not know knowingly.  How do you prove that?  Anyway, I believed Jeff to be a man of integrity.  I did not care if he was going to prison or not.  What I cared about was who he was for me.  When it boiled down to it, who he was for me was all it matters.

            We did not have a regular reception or all the components of newlyweds’ marriage like other people.  We had separate living arrangements.  I lived with my roommate while Jeff had his daughter living with him.  The whole thing was strange, and yet, normal.  Every moment was a moment to cherish since we did not know when he was going to go into prison.  The judge moved the sentencing date several times.  The intensity was stressful, and at the same time, made us appreciate our time together even more so.  Fear, anxiety, and everything that comes with the potential of losing your loved ones for years all showed up. 

During the waiting period, I registered with Landmark Education.  This organization focused on personal growth and development.  From the work, I discovered that everything is going to be okay.  Jeff’s leaving did not have to mean that he did not love me or that I was all alone.  I felt empowered and at peace.  The day came­—sentencing day.  Jeff’s and my friends were there at the courthouse.  At least 35 people were there to support Jeff and me.  We all were shocked when the Judge called his name, Jeff Dean Crandall, 41 months of imprisonment!  He received more time than the former mayor of Huntington Beach.  Gee, she was the person who was the culprit, and she “threw Jeff under the bus,” and she was getting less sentencing time than him

Before Landmark, I would have come up to her, and smack the “sh…” out of her.  But, after Landmark, I came up to her and wished her inner peace and comfort for her 4-year-old triplets.  Jeff and I were “okay” with the sentence.  We were shocked, but we were not devastated.  We knew we were good people.  We created the context that God gave us this trial as a trial of our faith—a lesson for us to learn about patience, compassion, and forgiveness.  Forgiveness was big for me.  How do you forgive people like that?  We did.  We forgave the former mayor, judge, FBI agents, and the prosecutors.  In their point of view, they might have thought justice was served.  It does not matter anymore.  What mattered to us was that we were going to be bigger than our circumstances.  We created that Jeff was going to go to prison to transform the prison system while I was transforming out here.  The journey of standing for each other begun.

Babe:

God only gives us challenges that we can handle.  Those that have higher hurdles are lucky to be tasked with the awesome responsibility and rewards of being inspirational to others.  With these challenges, we receive rewards.  My reward is your belief, support and love.  Thank you for being my wife, I love you from my soul.  We will be just fine regardless of the results on sentencing day, because we know that we walk the path that we are meant to walk hand in hand.  I will never let go of your hand.

Your husband,

Jeff

[IF]

> 

> If you can keep your head when all about you

> Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

> If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

> But make allowance for their doubting too,

> If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

> Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

> Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

> And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

> If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,

> If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

> If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

> And treat those two impostors just the same;

> If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

> Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

> Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

> And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

>

> If you can make one heap of all your winnings

> And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

> And lose, and start again at your beginnings

> And never breath a word about your loss;

> If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

> To serve your turn long after they are gone,

> And so hold on when there is nothing in you

> Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

>

> If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

> Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

> If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

> If all men count with you, but none too much,

> If you can fill the unforgiving minute

> With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

> Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

> And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

>

>

> --Rudyard Kipling "Our Deepest Fear"